


The Color Red, Shovels, and Pretty Dwarves

by Cloud_Nine



Series: Colors or How Bilbo Collects the Company Before the Quest to Retake Erebor [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo will not stand for threats to his family, Dori should learn to knock, M/M, Or Nori should learn not to make out with guardsmen in Bilbo's livingroom, Ori thinks Dwalin is pretty, So does Nori
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 18:02:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloud_Nine/pseuds/Cloud_Nine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo meets a new dwarf and he too his green but there is something different about his connection to Nori. Or Where Bilbo defends Nori with a shovel, Ori is smitten (Nori is too but don't tell Dori) and there is an awkward dinner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Color Red, Shovels, and Pretty Dwarves

Bilbo wasn’t sure how it had come to this, sure the Tooks were known to kidnap folks every now and then but it was mostly a courting thing. Bilbo had no intention of marrying the dwarf that he had currently tied to a chair in his living room. 

Bilbo twisted his hands together worriedly, this was a bad, bad idea. “Pretty!” Ori said again poking at the very large, very scary dwarf’s tigh. No matter what Bilbo said or did he could not get the little dwarfling to stop calling the scary dwarf pretty. 

“Ori, dear, stop that or you will wake the scary,” Bilbo blinked in shock when tiny little Ori glared at him, “Er, pretty then, goodness! Pretty dwarf with all the muscles.” The hobbit shook his head in disbelief, what a strange life he was leading. 

“Bilbo! You there, Bilbo?”

The hobbit swore softly under his breath and called out, “In the living room Dori...uh, we have a guest.” 

“Bilbo said a bad word!” Ori cried as soon as he saw his older brother. The little dwarfling rushed to his brother and hugged his knees tightly. “I saw the pretty dwarf that chases Nori and Bilbo bopped him over the head! Then we tied him up! Look Dori!”

As the little dwarf explained basically what had happened Bilbo felt heat rise to his face and he hid behind his hands moaning in embarrassment.

“Oh Bilbo, what did you do?” Dori asked picking up Ori and looking from the bound dwarf to the hobbit trying to hide behind his hands. 

“Oh Dori! I don’t know!” Bilbo said, upset. “I was in the front doing a little gardening and Ori rushes off shouting ‘pretty’ and there is suddenly his massive dwarf coming right for him!” Bilbo looked at the older dwarf begging him to understand. “He,” Bilbo points at the dwarf still knocked out and tied to the sturdiest chair in Bag End, “Starts shout about finally finding Nori and how he was going to lock him up! So I grabbed my shovel, snuck up behind in and well…” Bilbo trailed off and mimed whacking the dwarf in the head. 

Bilbo and Dori were startled by howling laughter from behind Dori. Nori who had entered the hobbit hole just in time to catch the story was bent nearly in half laughing like he had never laughed before. “B-bilbo!” Nori tried to speak but he was laughing too hard. “B-bilbo! You knocked out Dwalin! The King’s own guardsman!” 

Bilbo flushed and ducked his head as the dwarf continued to laugh. Dori just shook his head and sighed, and little Ori pouted because his brother would not let him down to check on the pretty dwarf. 

\--

It was about an hour later that Dwalin awoke his head pounding unable to move properly. “Wha?” The confused dwarf said trying to clear his head. 

“Pretty!” A childish voice said from somewhere lower. 

“Ori?” Dwalin asked confused. Ori, brother of Dori and that thief Nori. Why was he there?

“My hobbit hit you, Mr. Pretty. You’re all tied up now.” The dwarfling said helpfully crawling up the dwarf’s leg to settle himself on Dwalin’s knee. “You can’t take Nori.” 

Dwalin blinked in confusion, “What?” He asked again nothing making much sense. 

“Oh dear, I do hope that I didn’t hurt you too horribly.” Dwalin turned as much as he was able and glared at the figure in the doorway.

“Release me at once!” Dwalin demanded even though his head continued to spin. 

“Can’t do that I’m afraid.” Dwalin’s captor said sounding genuinely sorry. “Well, you are a danger to my family you see. I simply can’t let you hurt them.” 

“Aw Bilbo I knew you loved me!” Dwalin growled when he heard Nori’s voice. 

“You no good rotten thief! I’ll take you in this time!” The bound dwarf ranted. 

Nori snorted and came to stand in front of the dwarf. “I think not Master Guardsmen.” Nori said teasingly. “You have no authority here. The Shire is not a dwarf settlement.” The smug thief looked moments from doing a little jig he was so happy. 

“We can untie him now Bilbo. As annoying as he is, Dwalin knows he can’t do anything to me. Chased me all the way to the Shire and has to leave empty handed. Ha!” Nori bragged until Bilbo whacked him firmly across the chest. 

“I hit him in the head with a shovel for you. Be nice!” The hobbit implored. “Or, or, or no cake after supper tonight!” Bilbo threatened. 

It was a grumbling Nori that cut Dwalin loose and a smiling Bilbo that invited the dwarf to stay the night, he probably had a concussion after all and Bilbo could not in good faith send him off hurt. 

\--

Dinner was a tense affair. Dori and Bilbo made small talk among themselves as little Ori stared awestruck at his ‘pretty’. Nori spend most of dinner snorting with laughter before ducking his head when Bilbo or his elder brother glared at him. 

“So, uh, Dwalin, was it?” Bilbo said trying to start a conversation. “You’re a guardsman in the Blue Mountains?” 

The gruff dwarf just nodded and glared at Nori from his spot at the table. 

Bilbo shot Dori a helpless look that the dwarf shrugged at. “Do you have any hobbies?” Bilbo asked hopefully. 

“Catching thief scum.” Dwalin said harshly, never letting his gaze leave Nori.

The hobbit sighed and dropped his head in defeat. Dori not so subtly stomped on his brother’s foot hard enough for him to gasp in pain. “Excuse me.” Nori said through gritted teeth as he shoved away from the table and hobbled into the next room.

Dwalin’s eyes followed the thief and the guardsman excused himself quickly and got up to follow Nori. 

“What did you do that for?” Bilbo hissed to Dori. “Now they are alone together!” 

“He’s green, isn’t he?” Dori asked in the same hushed whisper. 

“Well yes, but-”

“No buts. Nori is going to fix it.” 

\--

“Guardsman.” Nori said hopping around on one foot.

“Thief.” Dwalin replied watching amused as Nori tried to sooth his throbbing foot. 

“Have you not yet, robbed this hobbit blind?” Dwalin asked almost curiously it seemed that Nori should have already taken everything of value the hobbit had and moved on. 

“I would never.” Nori said seriously. “I owe him more than you could imagine.” 

“Oh so it’s like that is it?” Dwalin said dangerously.

“Don’t even start, guardsman. You know nothing!” Nori hissed suddenly getting into Dwalin’s face. 

“So explain it to me then,” Dwalin demanded moving his face closer to the thief’s until they were almost touching. 

\--

“It’s been too long.” Dori said after he and Bilbo had finished their meal. Little Ori was drawing in his leftovers but for once Dori was too preoccupied to scold him. “I’m going to check on them, and make sure Dwalin hadn’t murdered my brother.”

Bilbo who had gotten steadily redder throughout the meal suddenly shouted. “No Dori! Leave them be, it’s fine!”

The hobbit’s words were too slow, the dwarf had moved quicker than expected and wandered into the room where his brother and guardsman had disappeared too. 

“NORI!”

Bilbo groaned and dropped his head into his hands. This collecting of dwarrow was getting out of hand. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take. 

“No Nori! My pretty!” 

Bilbo let his head fall to the table and groaned. Ori, he hadn’t been watching Ori. 

“You are cleaning whatever you are touching, Nori or I’ll shave your beard right off!” Bilbo yelled from his spot at the table. It wasn’t even worth it to move.

\--

“I can’t believe you Nori!” Dori said again looking scandalized. “The King’s guardsman? Really?” 

The thief just grinned and watch proudly as the dwarf walked out of sight. 

“Bad, Nori! My Pretty!” Ori said glaring as fiercely as a dwarfling could at his brother. 

Bilbo just nodded. It appeared his family was getting stranger and stranger. The only good thing was Bilbo was finally able to re-enforce that red did in fact mean what he thought it meant.

**Author's Note:**

> Like my fic? Wanna talk to me about it?? Find me on tumblr! 9cloud-nine9.tumblr.com


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